YES! THE WAIT IS OVER! WE ARE HERE, TRUEBIES! Season 3 (NOT Season 2! D-uh!) premieres last night with 'Bad Blood', and it's still packed with the kinds of batshit crazy LOL stuff we've all loved and missed for the past 9 months.

I LOVE YOU, TRUE BLOOD!!!

Here's my personal favorite of the three most WTFLOL moments from last night's Season 3 Premiere...

Repeat after me:

"Conscience: OFF.
Dick: ON.
...and everything's gonna be alright!"

That, ladies and gentlemen, would be Jason Stackhouse's theme song... if he has a theme song. He should! And God bless the writer who came up with that. The only thing we need now is a melody. Can we fit those lyrics into Bob Marley's 'Everything's Gonna Be Alright'?

ERIC'S ASS ABS

Okay, I meant ass, not abs. But in an attempt to keep this blog from getting labeled pornographic by my government, the above image shall be a substitute for Eric's Viking vampire buttcheeks.

Now, Eric's abs are droolworthy, but his ASS---as bootylicious as they may be---do nothing for me but CRACK. ME. UP! As I've mentioned once before, unclothed male derrieres aren't exactly my favorite things in the world to look at. As a matter of fact, they are waaaaaay down the list somewhere along the level of Tom Cruise's face and/or any body part belonging to Tom Cruise. But Eric's ass made me explode into fits of laughter. HOW CAN I EVER TAKE THIS TALL VIKING VAMPIRE SERIOUSLY EVER AGAIN!? And the fact that Sookie was looking away in the scene made it funnier because I know Alexander Skarsgård went total commando there in that scene, as revealed by Natasha Alam (who plays Yvetta the dancer) in a recent interview.

Yeah... I'll never take Eric seriously ever again.

And last, but not least...

Sam does get Bill sexytime dreams!

OH GOD! http://www.nooooooooooooooo.com!!! asdfghjkl;' True Blood, I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT! Okay, well, I did wonder back after watching 'Beyond Here Lies Nothin' on whether it means that Sam will be getting sexytime dreams!

...I did not expect them to answer it. AT ALL.

But that was just sheer fracked up hilarity! I laughed and laughed and laughed and cringed and laughed and laughed and laughed. I should've seen it coming when Bill mentions that he could track Sam all the way to Arkansas because Sam's had his blood in him. But I really didn't! I really thought it was Bill standing outside the door after crawling out of that grave, and although I did wonder for a minute why he went to Sam instead... I didn't really think about it.

...until Bill asked Sam to
JOIN HIM IN THE SHOWER.

A tiny 'WTF?' lightbulb went off inside my head and another 'OH! LOLZ' one light up soon after. That was just WRONG on so many levels. I'm sure Lafayette's Eric sexytime dreams wouldn't even be remotely funny, but the fact that this was Sam and Bill makes it totally WTFLOL x198276677853090202791.

Speaking of which... does V have the same effect on werewolves? I'm just askin' you know... coz there are 4 werewolves sucking on Bill's blood. Well, at least one of them is already "playing with [his] own titties in a car full of dudes." LOL. Nuts.

Oh, True Blood! I've missed you so! I just can't wait to see what other batshit nutty stuff you have in store for me next week! ONE WEEK. So as it turns out, we're still gonna be on #waitingsucks mode, eh?